Pt. 12
As we eat our appetizers in silence, I notice him glancing at me with a slow grin on his face, I ask, what is so funny? He glances to the side of his seat and slowly brings into view the heel of my shoe, I giggle for a min. and shake my head. WE make conversation getting to know more about each other. WE talk about our love for electronics and having to be in the know about the latest technology. He asks me about my family, hobbies, what & who gets on my nerves, and past loves. I answer his question with ease but when it comes to whom I have loved in my past I hesitate to answer. He notices my subtle flinch and asks me if I’m okay.
I told him that I’m fine but I realized that I’ve never talked in depth about the last person I was intimate with, the person who had hurt me more emotionally than anyone else, who I trusted with my heart yet only shattered it in the process, who in the end I realized after a very long self-evaluation was not worth my time or love, who I had known for close 10 yrs., and in the end found out he was not only playing ME, but another girl in St. Louis, as well as TWO in New York. I brought my relationship to a closure with him by leaving a letter and shoebox of all his memories to me, on his bed in his apartment and soon after that he moved to Michigan and has been there ever since, that was close to 2 years ago.
When I was finished with my story I looked at him to gauge what his reaction would be. He reached his hand across the table, palm up gesturing for my hand, I slip my hand into his and he caresses the skin over my knuckles and asks me do I have any regrets. I tell him yes AND no.
Yes, because I feel if I hadn’t met him I wouldn’t have gone thru the emotional torment that I’ve battled with on and off over the years. It’s because of my self-doubt for myself from this situation that I rarely date and emotionally attach myself to a male. Don’t get me wrong I have plenty of guy friends but I don’t see any of them in the romantic sense. Yet ever since then I don’t take shit from anyone especially a guy who steps to me wrong, I won’t hesitate to cut him down to size. I have this wall erected around myself to always be on guard, and unfortunately that wall is so wide, so long, so deep, sometimes I don’t know if I will ever trust a guy again and break down that fortress.
No, because he showed me what I NEVER want to have in my life again, and I rather learn it now then in the future. I learned from him how a man might say ONE thing but his actions SPEAK something else. Because of my relationship with him, I’m able to go back thru it and figure out for myself what SHOULD’VE been the warning signs and now when people ask me advice, GUYS AND GIRLS, I can give them my opinion because to me I can see a lot from a guys perspective that the women do miss, and visa versa. So the next time around, I WILL know what I want and will look for those qualities the next time around.
He asks me what are those qualities, I tell him Honesty-first and foremost is the most important. If we can’t trust each other that’s like building a house on sand. Sense of Humor-I’m a jokester and know when it’s cool to be silly and when it’s not. Sports-You just HAVE to like sports, I’m sorry there is no choice in this matter. Video Games- I damn near own every system out and I’m always wondering what’s coming out for each platform, so it would be NICE if he had some interests in that way also. Romance-Now on this subject I’m a bit different then other women in my opinion. I do want someone who is affectionate but don’t worry I won’t be hanging on your arm every time I see you and I don’t mind giving you your space when u need it. I would be more impressed if a guy brought me some comic books to read then some roses. Lolol I mean roses are cool but they like DIE in a couple of days but COMIC BOOKS, they last DAMN NEAR FOREVER if you take care of them properly.
I’m also a kid at heart if I fail to mention that earlier. I love cartoons, Voltron kicks ass. I love being around little kids because they don’t prejudge you they just take you for who you are at that time you don’t have to worry about makeup, what outfit you gonna wear, they will give you hug and you don’t have to worry about their attitude’s being “fake”. That’s why I like to visit my old preschool every now and then and just talk with the kids. They look at me in awe and can’t believe I used to be their size and run around all day long. It’s just refreshing;)
He lets go of my hand and just sits back, I get nervous and wonder if I’ve scared him off with all that I’ve revealed to him. He takes me in and nothing betrays his face. He cocks his head to one side and smiles at me. I look at him and smile back. He says to me, “and to think WE got off on the wrong foot when we first met on Planet2way”. I laughed at him and told him, “Told u I didn’t take any shit”. WE both are laughing as our waiter comes back with our main course.
As we settle into our food and drinks, I ask him, “Did you ever think we would meet like this”. He says, “Honestly, no, I didn’t think I would be here in St. Louis, meeting you under these circumstances”. I nodded my head understanding where he was coming from. “You really pissed me off on that damn forum in the old days” we both laughed uncontrollably for a couple of seconds then proceeded to get back into our food. “Every time I would go off on you, you would critique me on my damn spelling and have something ELSE smartass to say”. I look at him and say, “what can I say I’m a stickler for spelling, if you gonna go off on me I at least hope you will do it with the correct spelling so I won’t have to second guess what u are saying.”
He slowly slides one of his legs in between mine and slowly begins rub it up and down. KNowing he's distracting me while I'm trying to enjoy my crab legs. He grins to himself and says to me, “Well tonight, the last thing you will be worry about is spelling because when I’m thru with you, you’ll be speaking in tongues.” I look at him mouth gaping open. He looks at me and says joking, “Honey, you might want to close your mouth I wouldn’t want you to lose your crab MEAT.”
As we eat our appetizers in silence, I notice him glancing at me with a slow grin on his face, I ask, what is so funny? He glances to the side of his seat and slowly brings into view the heel of my shoe, I giggle for a min. and shake my head. WE make conversation getting to know more about each other. WE talk about our love for electronics and having to be in the know about the latest technology. He asks me about my family, hobbies, what & who gets on my nerves, and past loves. I answer his question with ease but when it comes to whom I have loved in my past I hesitate to answer. He notices my subtle flinch and asks me if I’m okay.
I told him that I’m fine but I realized that I’ve never talked in depth about the last person I was intimate with, the person who had hurt me more emotionally than anyone else, who I trusted with my heart yet only shattered it in the process, who in the end I realized after a very long self-evaluation was not worth my time or love, who I had known for close 10 yrs., and in the end found out he was not only playing ME, but another girl in St. Louis, as well as TWO in New York. I brought my relationship to a closure with him by leaving a letter and shoebox of all his memories to me, on his bed in his apartment and soon after that he moved to Michigan and has been there ever since, that was close to 2 years ago.
When I was finished with my story I looked at him to gauge what his reaction would be. He reached his hand across the table, palm up gesturing for my hand, I slip my hand into his and he caresses the skin over my knuckles and asks me do I have any regrets. I tell him yes AND no.
Yes, because I feel if I hadn’t met him I wouldn’t have gone thru the emotional torment that I’ve battled with on and off over the years. It’s because of my self-doubt for myself from this situation that I rarely date and emotionally attach myself to a male. Don’t get me wrong I have plenty of guy friends but I don’t see any of them in the romantic sense. Yet ever since then I don’t take shit from anyone especially a guy who steps to me wrong, I won’t hesitate to cut him down to size. I have this wall erected around myself to always be on guard, and unfortunately that wall is so wide, so long, so deep, sometimes I don’t know if I will ever trust a guy again and break down that fortress.
No, because he showed me what I NEVER want to have in my life again, and I rather learn it now then in the future. I learned from him how a man might say ONE thing but his actions SPEAK something else. Because of my relationship with him, I’m able to go back thru it and figure out for myself what SHOULD’VE been the warning signs and now when people ask me advice, GUYS AND GIRLS, I can give them my opinion because to me I can see a lot from a guys perspective that the women do miss, and visa versa. So the next time around, I WILL know what I want and will look for those qualities the next time around.
He asks me what are those qualities, I tell him Honesty-first and foremost is the most important. If we can’t trust each other that’s like building a house on sand. Sense of Humor-I’m a jokester and know when it’s cool to be silly and when it’s not. Sports-You just HAVE to like sports, I’m sorry there is no choice in this matter. Video Games- I damn near own every system out and I’m always wondering what’s coming out for each platform, so it would be NICE if he had some interests in that way also. Romance-Now on this subject I’m a bit different then other women in my opinion. I do want someone who is affectionate but don’t worry I won’t be hanging on your arm every time I see you and I don’t mind giving you your space when u need it. I would be more impressed if a guy brought me some comic books to read then some roses. Lolol I mean roses are cool but they like DIE in a couple of days but COMIC BOOKS, they last DAMN NEAR FOREVER if you take care of them properly.
I’m also a kid at heart if I fail to mention that earlier. I love cartoons, Voltron kicks ass. I love being around little kids because they don’t prejudge you they just take you for who you are at that time you don’t have to worry about makeup, what outfit you gonna wear, they will give you hug and you don’t have to worry about their attitude’s being “fake”. That’s why I like to visit my old preschool every now and then and just talk with the kids. They look at me in awe and can’t believe I used to be their size and run around all day long. It’s just refreshing;)
He lets go of my hand and just sits back, I get nervous and wonder if I’ve scared him off with all that I’ve revealed to him. He takes me in and nothing betrays his face. He cocks his head to one side and smiles at me. I look at him and smile back. He says to me, “and to think WE got off on the wrong foot when we first met on Planet2way”. I laughed at him and told him, “Told u I didn’t take any shit”. WE both are laughing as our waiter comes back with our main course.
As we settle into our food and drinks, I ask him, “Did you ever think we would meet like this”. He says, “Honestly, no, I didn’t think I would be here in St. Louis, meeting you under these circumstances”. I nodded my head understanding where he was coming from. “You really pissed me off on that damn forum in the old days” we both laughed uncontrollably for a couple of seconds then proceeded to get back into our food. “Every time I would go off on you, you would critique me on my damn spelling and have something ELSE smartass to say”. I look at him and say, “what can I say I’m a stickler for spelling, if you gonna go off on me I at least hope you will do it with the correct spelling so I won’t have to second guess what u are saying.”
He slowly slides one of his legs in between mine and slowly begins rub it up and down. KNowing he's distracting me while I'm trying to enjoy my crab legs. He grins to himself and says to me, “Well tonight, the last thing you will be worry about is spelling because when I’m thru with you, you’ll be speaking in tongues.” I look at him mouth gaping open. He looks at me and says joking, “Honey, you might want to close your mouth I wouldn’t want you to lose your crab MEAT.”
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