self-examination

My soul is tired and weary.
My headaches lead me in circles.
Mediation makes me too tired.
Yet I still am trying to get to that fruitful abyss that you call sanctuary, that you call peace.

My mind wonders and is hard to keep on track
Yep I forgot to put a period on that last sentence.
I struggle with my looks.
Not happy with what I see.
I even try to avoid mirrors if possible.
Don't look at me.


I feel as though I am standing still and everyone is moving so fast around me.
I want to matter.
Take make a difference.
I just have a problem with paying attention and focusing.


I have to listen to instrumental jazz music at work to not be agitated and not look at the clock.
Is it time to go home yet?
I just want to lay down and take a 6 hour nap.
I'll be refreshed by midnight.


I worry all the time.
I worry if I'll ever be mentally stable.
I worry about my parents.
I worry about my family.
I worry about my friends.
I worry if I'm by myself in the world will I be ok.


I didn't want to be here past my 35th birthday.
I wanted to be happy somewhere else, just not here.
I feel like a failure, utterly useless and unaccomplished.
Yet I can't focus so what could I be good at.


My headache is coming back.
Maybe I should read up on Mediation.
My soul is tired and weary.
I need a nap.